At my last physical, my doctor suggested that I consume more protein. However, I am a vegetarian (unless I see bacon, in which case all bets are off) and so getting sufficient protein without increasing calories to levels unacceptable to me has proven difficult. I vaccinate between angrily grumbling about know it all doctors and just giving up on eating more protein, or gaining weight trying to force my diet to provide complete proteins - lots of beans and rice and tofu and, come on, none of that stuff is edible unless it has lots of fat and a pretty fair amount of salt.I don’t know where the idea of protein powder entered my head because protein powders are not the sort of thing I had ever really been aware of, and if I had been aware of protein powders I would have wondered who the hell would use them. Like, why? Why eat powder, unless it’s the powder on a donut (did I mention I have a sweet tooth?). What a strange thing to do. But you know the internet, and how it takes you to places you never expected to go, whether you like it or not. One day I somehow ended up on a site comparing protein powders. I read, fascinated, and kind of grossed out about gritty smoothies and lumpy shakes. About faint whiffs of horrible smells and terrible tastes (no matter how much reviews try to make you believe something tastes acceptable, I can always detect a big hint of ambivalence, a sort of shirking of recognition of the truth - phrases like “you can barely taste it” and “it was almost like my regular coffee only with a different taste” or “I gulp it down like medicine and feel good about it” or “it’s barely gritty at all if you use a high speed blender” or my favorite, “the globules of undissolved powder are not too slimy and it pretty much does taste like chocolate” give the game away.After reading enough reviews of different powders to make my head spin, and finally even taking notes, I realized there was a pattern - one brand of protein powder was lauded for more than its protein and other things that I have not a clue about (MCTs?, BCAAs?). This one brand of protein powder was actually lauded for taste, no matter mostly people talked about the salted caramel flavor, the idea of which makes me want to barf, their rhapsodic descriptions of deliciousness and the overall apparent agreement that this powder had all the acronyms generally agreed to be necessary along with a gold standard amount of protein made me decide to order it. I just hoped salted caramel was not the only flavor.Not to keep you in suspense, because, here I am reviewing Quest Vanilla Milkshake Powder, the powder brand I decided to try was indeed, Quest. It arrived in a big ass tub and the instructions printed on the side talked about it’s scoop, which I though I had forgotten to buy - but no, it’s scoop does come with it, it was just hiding, lodged firmly down at the very bottom of the powder, goodly quantities of which were sadly lost In a powder cloud that arose during my excavations.When talking about protein powder, just about everyone said, don’t try this with just a spoon and a glass or you’ll be horribly sorry, so I had purchased a plastic cup with a sort of odd plastic weathervane attached to the bottom and surprisingly, a USB cord - It really IS the future when even your cup needs to be charged, though I’m surprised it didn’t come internet ready. Next iteration. Nearly everyone also said don’t try this with water - get some some milk, even nut milk If that’s all you can find, or coffee, or something else to disguise the powder in. But I decided to just jump in the deep end with this and so once my cup was charged and emitting an eerie green light, I added 8 ounces of water, pushed the button on the cup, which created a sort of negative tornado, and added a scoop of the powder, which got just consumed by the tornado, and let it twirl for 5 seconds as the cup had indicated. With trepidation I poured the resulting creamy, foamy looking mixture into a glass in which I had added several cubes of ice and took a sip. OMG, OMG, OMG! It was not just acceptable - it was downright delicious. Slightly creamy, softly vanilla-esque, with a gentle sweetness that was fabulous to the bottom of the glass. No grittiness, no powder in my mouth, and certainly no globules, slimy or otherwise marred the drink. I actually clobbered my nose with the ice cubes trying to suck out the last drops of its goodness. So no, it doesn’t need anything but water, and possibly a cup with a USB cable to be wonderful (don’t tell anyone, but I might even add a shot of rum and maybe a slice of pineapple once in a while because I think it might make a killer pina colada type deal.) I have no doubt that I will enjoy the tub of Quest to the last scoop and I think I will get on a delivery schedule for it. Just wait till my doctor finds out I actually listened to her.
